So we had Dad’s Celebration of Life this past weekend.
It was a beautiful gathering of family, friends and neighbors. Including all of his favorite things. At his favorite place: his pool and his home.
We got a taco truck and had outdoor games, swimming, drinks. All of it. Heartfelt toasts. Laughter. Music. Way too much food. All components of a successful party represented!
Party… that word isn’t right, is it? This celebration of life basically solidified in my heart what I’ve feared to be real for a while now. This is real. He is gone and we have acknowledged that now. Officially.
I had hoped that I’d have a sense of peace or closure after having it. I don’t.
I can only reason that since Dad passed away (it still blows my mind to type that statement that it’s real) almost 8 months ago now.. I have either been helping my mom with finances, paperwork, forms, sorting through his things/their things, planning a luminary evening, helping with chores around the house/yard and then planning for this humongous event.
Always working on something regarding Dad.
The dust is settling and the reality is setting in: now what?
I guess now it’s time to figure out how to live life without him in it. That’s it. That’s what the walk is now for me.
Things we plan here forward will just be us. The ones left here.
Something about that just feels so horrible. Maybe everything about that feels horrible.
I think what I’d like to say is this: if you’re reading this and are a part of my life… and you’ve lost your parent. Or you’ve spoken to me about missing a parent who is no longer with us… and I didn’t give you more. More empathy, sympathy, time talking if needed. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.
I didn’t know how impossible it is.
If you still have your parents here but are “so busy”…. STOP and go see them. Or call them. Even if they drive ya nuts. Or talk forever on the phone. There WILL come a day that you’d give anything to talk just once more. Or have one more dinner out.
For me: New plan. New world. New walk. One day, one step, one moment at a time.