The text I’d send if I could..

Just sitting at Hailey’s softball practice and they’re doing a drill that I think you’d enjoy. I went to text you and forgot. Again. That I can’t.

I do that alot. Or I’ll be out getting the mail and hear a motorcycle and look up to see if it’s you. But it’s not.

Or see a new summer beverage we HAVE to try and go to share it with you. And I can’t.

We miss everything about you. Every day.

Mom is so brave. You’d be so proud of her (annnnnnd you guys would be bickering like crazy) about all of the decisions she’s making all by herself. The way she’s taking care of the house and herself. And she even has the pool chemicals on point and it’s crystal clear! She wishes that she told you how amazing the house and yard looked when she could… as she is now trying to keep up with it all!!

Hannah signed a lease for her first apartment!! What the?! And she ended her first year of college with a 4.0. Learning remotely! And her golden birthday is Monday. 19 years old… what even?? She’s still loving PT and loves her job. I’m so excited to watch her pursue her passion and become her dream. She’s such an amazing person about to start her journey on her own. It goes so fast Dad…

Hailey might actually graduate high school early! Isn’t that crazy? She’s part of this consortium where she’s literally the only student amongst super influential people in our area. Superintendent, teachers, small business owners and Hailey. At 15. As we’ve always known: this kid is going somewhere. She ADORES her softball team and has an AMAZING coach who you’d absolutely love. 💗

You wouldn’t believe how big Niko is getting. You’d absolutely crack up seeing him swimming in the pool!!

Josh is cruising on finishing the basement. He wished so much that he would finish it in time to have a beer down there with you at the new bar. It’s a learning curve and he had his first go at concrete countertops. You would have been fascinated.

I’m still at the library. Just had my ten year anniversary there! What even? Running around busy busy busy.. You remember the days… Oh! Remember that time ten years ago when we played in the slow pitch league and I said I hurt my shoulder and you ripped on me endlessly? I’m having surgery in six weeks to fix a ten years ignored problem. And wish you could have heard and seen the docs reaction when I told him how I did such damage to myself. In a slow pitch fricking league with my Dad. I can hear you now… “get outta TOWN!!!”

But you know all of this right?

You’re watching us right?

You’re with us.

I feel that.

I believe that.

I even talk to cardinals now like they’re you. And people may think I’m nuts – but whatever… they don’t know. I don’t care.

What’s it like where you are?

What was it like when we lost you?

You felt all the love around you those last few weeks, right?

I hope that you feel amazing. And strong. Pain free. And your knees are good as new and you’re riding an amazing Harley through beautiful sunsets with the most fabulous sound system blasting music. Relaxing (orrrr mowing everyone’s lawn that will allow you to because you LOVE yard work – not because you have to). Teaching everyone about your alter ego, Pepe, and his vanilla tequila shot.

Nothing feels right for me here. Not with you gone. NOTHING feels right. And I hate this new normal. I’m working on it. Actually I’m not. I can’t lie. But I say that because I don’t want you to worry about me.

I’m not sure who gets to be the lucky one(s?) with you now, but I envy them. And I have to believe that there will come a day when we will be together again. Sitting on the porch. Toasting. Laughing. And maybe playing in another league somehow. Somewhere. And we don’t get hurt 🤦🏼‍♀️

I love you

I miss you terribly

Until next time I go to text you and remember. Again. That I can’t.

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